You wanna hear something, Droogs? It’s not a top KGB secret but it is still something quite intimate about yours truly. Well, I am not just a regular dude but also a proud master of several qualities that qualify as superpowers. Oh da! Believe me, Droogs, I was surprised myself and surprised I am still to find all these strange abilities. I wasn’t born like this, you see. I was just another ordinary Kartoshka-munching, Russian kid. But ever since the Chernobyl disaster I possess some new and unexpected qualities.
Not bizarre defects as you might think, niet my Droogs. I don’t have any freakish, distorted limbs, no three nipples or an extra leg. Though regarding the latter, I do let some young ladies wonder about the magnitude of my Maximus, if you know what I mean. Radioactive waste can do shit and wonders to you. I find new powers every day.
Like the other day for instance, I was just hanging, you know, doing my own thing, enjoying a nice scratch when all of a sudden I felt something tingling in my belly button.
There it was, out of nowhere, a round fluffy furry ball. I examined it closely. No, it wasn’t Koshka’s, it wasn’t a cotton fiber from my shirt. I rolled it between my fingers and flipping it casually in the air, I dismissed the whole thing.
Until the next day.
Another tingly sensation, a lift of the shirt and there it was – a fresh new fluffy ball nestling inside my belly button, only this time it got a bit bigger. Again, I scoped the ball out and flicked it away. However, the mysterious incident repeated itself and every day brought with it fresh, magical and enlarged belly button produce.
Koshka became addicted.
Possessing supernatural powers, as this, may also cause some strong side effects and unpredicted outcomes. Between me, mass-producing those balls, and Koshka sucking them down his throat, something went wrong. A monster was created. It was unstoppable.
