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THE ART OF... SMALL TALK. 5 TIPS TO SURVIVE THIS MINI SOCIAL HELL.

Some people were born to mingle and spend the days sharpening their small talk skills to perfection. Say, the queen of England.
However since some of us (but not all of us) are not in fact, the queen of England, the art of small talk might get a bit challenging.
Fret no more my friends. With these simple five tips, making small talk becomes a breeze.

1. Keep an open mind
Meaning - before you even start, you need to relax - keep an open tab at the bar and keep drinking. Or more specific, to avoid disasters, just make sure you start talking right after you begin feeling tipsy, and stop making any social contact right before you jump on the table and commence dancing the Gangnam Style.

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2. Remember to properly introduce yourself
Meaning - always exaggerate. People are not interested in talking to dull, ordinary, underachiever types like themselves.
If you can't make your identity better, then make it up.

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3. Talk
Meaning - you need to talk my friend, as it is after all dubbed a 'small talk', dahhh. So say something for god's sake. Try and be fluent - so have a few topics in mind. And always finish with a question so you could finally take a break from all the rubbish you just said, and let the other party sweat.

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4. Listen
Meaning - nodding your head up and down, making 'ahham' 'ahham' noises (and if you really want to listen hard to your partner - grasp your chin between your index finger and your thumb and go 'hmmmm' twice and 'interesting' once). Don't overdo it by nodding too quickly, be patient my friend it will soon be over.

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5. Move on gracefully
Meaning - when you see an opportunity to exit the conversation (something between a minute or two) then just go go go,
don't hold back, run like the wind, get the hell out of this misery!!! But gracefully.

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